Its hard letting your kids make mistakes

[MrHumphries]

I am Sad,

I have a 17 Daughter as you all know, and she was adiment(SP) about having some Ocars, So after being very clear as to how much care they require, and being very clear as to the fact they will need a larger tank with in 4-6 months, we agreed to let her have some, so i went out and bought a 56 Gal tank, with two filters, heater and lights, That was just before X-mas, well the Oscars have tripled in size, and now after looking at them a few days ago, noticed the smaller of the two has Hole in the head

I have been as helpful as I can be, but my daughter like most teens is very lazy, so matter what advise you give her, she will ignore it.. anyways..

What should I do?, these fish are gonna die, the tank is disgusting, she harly ever cleans it, does the bare min of WCs when we agreed to get her the tank
she agreed to find a job to save for a new tank, she has not put any effort into this at all.

I am thinking of returning the fish to the LFS, as I do not have the income to buy a bigger setup because I am saving for a new setup for samson, and I feel that would be enable her to be lazy, The few PPL I have talked to about this have told me to let her fail, but being an animal lover, seeing these fish suffer is not exceptable?.

I could use some opinions on this?

I am stuck between a rock and a hrad place, And there is no talking to her about it, all she will do is make up every excuse why she has been doing it..


Thanks guys

Don

[diverchic]

Hi,
I'd sit her down and show her the hole in the head and that the fish are suffering. If she does care she'll smarten up and start taking care of them. Also, remind her that they need a larger home asap and so she should start working. If not elsewhere, than pay her to (gasp, horror!) clean your house for you as at least she'd be earning the money that way - and make her do a good job, not just wave a damp sponge around from the centre of the room and say it's done.
If she doesn't get her act together or care, rehome the fish and see if you can sell the 56g tank or do a part exchange at the fish store for what you need for Samson.

[busybones]

I wouldn't let the fish die to teach her a lesson. I'd re-home the fish and make a good point that she is not to ask for another pet until she can take full responsibility for them. She needs to learn that when you get a pet is relies on you for it's care.

[eieio]

Hi,
I'd sit her down and show her the hole in the head and that the fish are suffering. If she does care she'll smarten up and start taking care of them. Also, remind her that they need a larger home asap and so she should start working. If not elsewhere, than pay her to (gasp, horror!) clean your house for you as at least she'd be earning the money that way - and make her do a good job, not just wave a damp sponge around from the centre of the room and say it's done.
If she doesn't get her act together or care, rehome the fish and see if you can sell the 56g tank or do a part exchange at the fish store for what you need for Samson.

+1
she's 17 years old, and needs to develop a better sense of commitment
this might be a very good opportunity for her to do so

[eieio]

not just wave a damp sponge around from the centre of the room and say it's done.

this cracks me up!

[Pufferpunk]

I don't have kids & they're probably pretty lucky (the kids I don't have), because I would have been a really tough mom. I'd waited until she got a job & bought it herself.

She'll make plenty of mistakes. No reason for her to risk lives doing them though. Take over that tank, get those fish healthy & get rid of it all. She doesn't deserve to have fish. She needs a job. I started working at 15. What are her plans after she graduates HS?

[eieio]

she's a young adult now, not a kid
i'd give her a chance, (albeit a very brief one), to "get her act together or care"
i think it would be better to make this a learning experience than just pull the rug out from under her
but any way it were to happen, the health, safety, and well-being of the fish would come first

[diverchic]

not just wave a damp sponge around from the centre of the room and say it's done.

this cracks me up!

Sadly I'm speaking from experience.... mine from many, many, years ago when my mother wanted me to 'earn my keep' LOL

[eieio]

not just wave a damp sponge around from the centre of the room and say it's done.

this cracks me up!

Sadly I'm speaking from experience.... mine from many, many, years ago when my mother wanted me to 'earn my keep' LOL

......a wise mom there

[MrHumphries]

Hey all,

Well after having a chat with my wife and vic(daughter) I have decided that tank is getting moved downstairs out of her room, I have taken over care of the
fish, I need to get them better, I told her she can watch me and learn, when and IF I feel she has learned, I will give her back her fish, but only after she gets a job and buys a new tank, I will have to up the WCs and stuff, i bought some prima-fix, I will keep some water from her tank and do a HUGE WC, i am removing all the live plants as they are dieing anyways, I bought some soft fake ones.. I have a cave for them as well. I will post some pics when the move
is complete. I hate doing this, but i will not enable her, she needs to learn, she makes promises and does not keep them, there will be consequencs kinda like real life

I will keep you all updated, and thanx so much for all the support, I find it hard talking to her, as she is all attidute.. but thats prob her age?. but I will only accuse that to a certain point.

Don

[DarkStorm]

read this and have her read it too.,
http://www.monsterfishkeepers.com/forum ... oscar+hith
some of it is typical mfk blah blah but theres alot of good insight to people who have kept oscars for long periods healthy,

[MrHumphries]

read this and have her read it too.,
http://www.monsterfishkeepers.com/forum ... oscar+hith
some of it is typical mfk blah blah but theres alot of good insight to people who have kept oscars for long periods healthy,

LOL! thanks, I read through it. Not wanting to reseach stuff, thats on the list of excusses, I had a feeling I was gonna inherit these fish right at the begining
and I told my wife that as well, and it appears as if I was right? *sigh* althought I wish I wasn't

I did my weekly Wcs on my tanks todya, I saved hers for last, gotta give my water heater the time to heat up again LOL!, Then I will move her tank..
Should be up and running tonight

Thanks again everyone

Don

[Myaj]

Dang, 17 and not working and not taking care of her responsibilies? My rear end would have been kicked out to the back yard with a shovel and made to dig, then fill the whole back up, then dig a new one, then fill it back up, until I was willing to do my "work"!

ROFL When I was 16 I had a horse, two dogs and fish to take care of, plus worked part time.. no sympathy from me!

[diverchic]

LOL - I agree with Myaj, when I was 17 I'd already moved out, had a job and was supporting myself! (the waving the sponge incident was when I was around14 LOL)

Good luck with getting the fish healthy, I hope your daughter learns responsiblity and is able to take over the care of 'her' fish.

[bauk]

^^ + 1

She must learn it, but not so the fish would suffer.. Nothing comes with the wind i think